Jolly Jefferson #3

I was so nervous that night, I’ll never forget it. I was 19, away at college and I had finally gotten my hands on a fake ID. My roommate Shannon and I had decided to go out on the town. She was an old hand at this. She’d scored a fake her freshman year, but I was a good girl. I didn’t do that sort of thing. At least, not until now.

But the way she talked about going out on Thursday night, meeting mature men, not like the boys who lived on our floor. Men in bars were sophisticated, she told me. They knew about things like current events. They weren’t out to just get wasted and puke at the end of the night. And they wanted to get to know you. They didn’t just want to get into your pants.

I wasn’t so sure about that. My older sister had very different ideas than Shannon. She’d told me to be careful when she handed me her old ID. She was three years older than me and would graduate college in May. She and I look a lot a like, so when I’d begged her for her ID, she relented.

I wasn’t sure it would work, but Shannon insisted she’d been to this bar several times and the bouncer knew her. If we walked in together, he wouldn’t hassle us. He’d just give the card a quick glance to give the bar cover.

My knees were knocking. I was sure my chunky earrings were swaying back and forth from my shaking. Shannon had told me it was important to dress older, to look like a professional woman coming out after a hard day at work.

I’d spent about an hour on my makeup and hair. I had to change my shirt twice, I’d been so nervous I had smeared makeup on the first two. Now, I was wearing a white dress shirt and some khaki slacks. I brought a pack of cigarettes, but Shannon told me to leave my lighter at home. That way suave men could offer to light it for me.

Shannon grabbed her little digital camera and we were off. We’d decided to cab it, so we could have a good time. Shannon said we only needed to bring enough money for cab fare, because men would be buying us drinks. I wasn’t sure though, and brought extra.

The cab let us out in front of the jazz club. I could hear the sad wail of a saxophone through the door as it opened and closed as patrons entered and exited. Shannon strode right up to the bouncer, called him by name and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She waved me over.

I smiled nervously as I handed him my sister’s ID. I was sure he wouldn’t just turn me away, but call the cops over to arrest me for trying to scam him. But he just gave it a quick glance and waved me inside.

“See, Emily?” Shannon said. “I told you everything would be fine.”

I nearly fainted when she used my real name. After all, my ID said my name was Jennifer. But the bouncer either didn’t hear or didn’t care. He was busy checking the ID of the next people in line.

I couldn’t believe it! I’d made it!

Shannon took me up to the bar and we sat there. She took a cigarette from me and held it in her hand. I mirrored her movements. A guy in a dress shirt and slacks, with his tie loosened fished in his pocket for a lighter and held it up for me to use. I looked at him through my eyelashes as he lit my cigarette. “Buy you a drink?” he asked.

I had no idea what to drink, so I ordered the first thing that popped into my mind. “Cosmo,” I said. What can I say? I’m a Sex and the City girl. If it was good enough for Carrie, I thought….

He turned to the bartender and ordered a cosmo and a Jack and Coke. I thanked him when the drink arrived and we made small talk for a little while. Turned out he was an investment banker or something.

Shannon was also being chatted up by a guy, but after about 15 minutes, she signaled to me and we wandered away, making an excuse. She told me you didn’t want to settle too early. Had to check out who was around. Besides, it wasn’t nice to make a man spend too much money on drinks for you if you weren’t planning on letting him take you home and neither of us were looking for that tonight.

She was on her third drink, while I was still nursing my first. The club was swinging with some wild jazz. An old black man was wailing away on a clarinet up front.

Shannon took my drink and set it on a small table, then shoved me under a sign for the place, pulling her camera out of her bag. “We need a picture to commemorate this!” I struck a pose, looking off toward the stage, puffing on my cigarette. “Perfect!” she declared as the flash went off.

I hurried over and looked at the screen. “Oh my God!” I squealed. “I look so adult!” I realized what I just said and looked around. No one seemed to have heard me. I picked my drink back up and finished it off.

I was about to wander back to the bar when Shannon suddenly said “Shit.” It was quiet, but I heard her anyway. I froze and followed her gaze. There were two cops coming in. I felt a surge of panic rise inside me. “What do we do?” I asked, fear nearly choking me.

“Relax. We just slip out the back.” She grabbed my hand and tugged on it. I stood rooted to the spot, staring at the cops as they asked some other girls for ID.

“Come on, Emily!” Shannon said, pulling harder. “Don’t stare! You’ll call attention to yourself.”

I snapped out of it. I let her lead me back to the back of the bar, near the restrooms. There was a large door marked “EXIT” next to the restrooms. She pushed it open and shoved me out, following quickly.

The alley behind the place smelled awful, and I was pretty sure there was at least one homeless guy passed out in a pile of garbage. We ran down the alley and hailed a cab as soon as we hit the street.

We jumped in back and gave directions back to campus. We were out of breath and laughing. My heart was pounding and my laughter was a little hysterical.

The night was a bust, but I still have the photo Shannon took. I still think it’s one of the best times I’ve ever had.